When Sex Gets Complicated: Pornography, Infidelity, and Cybersex
 Dr. Marty Klein, LMFT, Certified Sex Therapist presents this 6 hour webinar (6CEs)
Sex is getting more complicated for everyone. This seminar will help clinicians navigate this increasingly complex world.
The number of patients involved in pornography, non-monogamy, sadomasochism, online eroticism, and sex toys has dramatically increased. Are we prepared to provide them quality therapy? There are fundamental things about sexuality that the internet has not changed: the desire to feel desired; insecurity about “performance;” the search for the perfect partner; the yearning for connection—combined with the fear of intimacy; the desire for pleasure—and fear of sexuality’s power. The internet, however, has increased everyone’s opportunities for sexual expression: 24-hour pornography; apps that feed the hookup culture; the flood of online information; sex toys for sale on Amazon (and WalMart.com); Match.com & Ashley Madison; platforms for every kind of sex work; and, um, let’s not forget 24-hour pornography. With everyone’s old-fashioned brain and body attempting to function sexually in a post-modern world, new challenges have emerged for therapists, including:
* How can we help partners with contrasting sexual values talk with each other productively?
* After infidelity (online or offline), how do we hold both partners while they struggle to define their behavior, contract, and emotions? What if they don’t agree on the definition of “infidelity”? What if one partner wants to change their sexual arrangement?
* What is the structure of typical couples’ conflicts about pornography—and what are these conflicts really about? How do we help two adults negotiate meaningful agreements about their private sexuality when one or both of them feel sad, lonely, disappointed, or angry about their sexual relationship? How do we help someone who’s using porn in a self-destructive way?
The sexual problems people now bring us seem more complicated than they used to. People with diverse sexual practices are talking about them more. The internet creates new opportunities for experience—and for confusion, exploitation, bad decision-making, and heartbreak.
* How far is “too far” when sadomasochism is concerned?
* What is most pornography actually like?
* Is there such a thing as healthy use of pornography? If so, what does that look like?
* Is there such a thing as healthy non-monogamy? If so, how can we distinguish it from fear of intimacy or commitment?
* How do we respond when a patient says “that’s just internet play,” and their partner says, “no, that’s cyber-infidelity?”
* Is there such a thing as sex addiction? Porn addiction? Internet addiction? Why does it matter what we call it?
* What should we do if we simply disapprove of a patient’s sexual practices?
About the Presenter:
Dr. Marty Klein has been a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist for 31 years. He has aimed his entire career toward a single set of goals: telling the truth about sexuality, helping people feel sexually adequate & powerful, and supporting the healthy sexual expression and exploration of women and men. Marty pursues his goal of a sexually enlightened world through therapy, lectures, writing, lobbying, media, and forensic (courtroom) work. Marty has authored over 100 articles in publications such as Parents, New Woman, and Playboy, as well as San Francisco Medicine, the California Therapist, and the Journal of Homosexuality. He is a former contributing editor to The New Physician, American Baby, and Modern Bride, and he is quoted every year in dozens of national publications and websites, such as The New Yorker and Huffington Post. Marty has written six books that have been acclaimed by everyone from USA Today and The California Therapist to Penn & Teller and the Playboy Advisor. Published in eleven languages, his books have been excerpted in national magazines, and cited in the popular and professional press. Marty also has chapters in several professional books, such as The Handbook of Clinical Child Psychology and Treating Sexual Disorders. A popular guest on the electronic media, Marty has been featured on radio in over 100 cities, and on national TV programs like 20/20 and Nightline. His blog is widely quoted, and his electronic newsletter, Sexual Intelligence, goes to 5,000 subscribers every month. Marty is that rare professional: truly expert in his subject, comfortable on live TV and in front of audiences, and extremely funny. His wit and expertise make him a frequently-quoted expert appearing in Newsweek, the New York Times, and even Ann Landers. Marty’s accomplishments are also recognized abroad: he has trained professionals in two dozen countries, including China, Turkey, India, Israel, Morocco, Croatia, and Russia. He has been given honorary membership in a variety of international professional associations. As a clinician, Marty works each week with couples and individuals who have a variety of sexual and non-sexual difficulties–over 30,000 sessions since 1980. He also provides consultations to other therapists, and supervises their cases. Marty lives in Northern California with his wife, cactus garden, and enormous collection of rock ‘n’ roll albums.
Working With Infidelity and His Porn, Her Pain: Two Part Webinar
Dr. Marty Klein, LMFT, Certified Sex Therapist presents this 6 hour webinar (6CEs)
In the first half of this webinar, participants will learn fresh ways of looking at affairs, fidelity, and sexuality.
Every
therapist deals with affairs—sexual, emotional, internet. And although
most therapists say they use a “systems approach,” it’s hard to maintain
that perspective when cases are presented as involving a selfish
Betrayer and a heartbroken Betrayed. Or a deprived, desperate partner
and an indifferent, withholding mate. Supporting the dignity and
humanity of both parties gives a couple the best chance to reconcile.
The idea that the Betrayer has to beg forgiveness and accept whatever
relationship the Betrayed demands is a disservice to both parties, and
it typically leads to client dropouts or treatment failure. In cases
involving infidelity, challenging patients’ stereotypes about both power
and sexuality is vital—which requires insight, creativity, and
self-discipline from the therapist. Workshop participants will learn
fresh ways of looking at affairs, fidelity, and sexuality—so that they
can better evaluate patients, sort out individual and relationship
issues, and help people heal from the experiences of powerlessness,
grief, rage, and damaged self-esteem that are common on both sides of
betrayal.
This workshop challenges common clinical ideas, covering topics including:
*Why are affairs so common? (hint: it’s not because all men are pigs)
* The typical belief that the Betrayed acquires power as a result of being betrayed
*How much is sex an issue in most affairs? What can be done about desire discrepancies?
*Under what conditions should couples reconcile after an affair?
*Pragmatically, what does forgiveness actually mean?
*How can we get couples to explore reconciliation as partners rather than as adversaries?
*How relationships can thrive when one partner uses pornography
*Helping clients draw and maintain boundaries around the wounded relationship
*The existential issues confronting both parties when there’s been an affair—and why it’s crucial to address these
In
the second half of this webinar: Is it possible for people to use
pornography in a healthy way? And is it possible for couples to disagree
about one partner’s porn use and get on with the rest of their lives?
Our field needs a straightforward conversation about these simple
questions; drawing on his new book His Porn, Her Pain, Dr. Klein will
honestly address these critical questions.
With the dramatic new availability of pornography, we now see a huge increase in the
number of patients involved in it; the number of couples in conflict about it; and the
number of parents concerned about it. Are we prepared to provide them quality therapy?
This talk discusses the simultaneous phenomena of increased porn
availability and society’s increased anti-porn activism—while most
professionals struggle with their lack of training about porn. Issues
covered include:
* What is most pornography actually like?
*What is known about the impact of pornography use on relationships
*Data on the impact of pornography on sexual violence and child molestation-which our field continues to ignore
*Couples conflicts about porn use—and how honest talk about sex can help resolve those conflicts
*How the predominant clinical models of porn use rely on destructive gender stereotypes
*How the concept of “porn addiction” undermines clinical outcomes—and how to use a more effective treatment model
*Why
building “porn literacy” in young people is essential to their digital
and relationship health—and why adults find this so difficult, and how
we can help them. About the Presenter:
Dr.
Marty Klein has been a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and
Certified Sex Therapist for 31 years. He has aimed his entire career
toward a single set of goals: telling the truth about sexuality, helping
people feel sexually adequate & powerful, and supporting the
healthy sexual expression and exploration of women and men. Marty
pursues his goal of a sexually enlightened world through therapy,
lectures, writing, lobbying, media, and forensic (courtroom) work. Marty
has authored over 100 articles in publications such as Parents, New
Woman, and Playboy, as well as San Francisco Medicine, the California
Therapist, and the Journal of Homosexuality. He is a former contributing
editor to The New Physician, American Baby, and Modern Bride, and he is
quoted every year in dozens of national publications and websites, such
as The New Yorker and Huffington Post. Marty has written six books that
have been acclaimed by everyone from USA Today and The California
Therapist to Penn & Teller and the Playboy Advisor. Published in
eleven languages, his books have been excerpted in national magazines,
and cited in the popular and professional press. Marty also has chapters
in several professional books, such as The Handbook of Clinical Child
Psychology and Treating Sexual Disorders. A popular guest on the
electronic media, Marty has been featured on radio in over 100 cities,
and on national TV programs like 20/20 and Nightline. His blog is widely
quoted, and his electronic newsletter, Sexual Intelligence,
goes to 5,000 subscribers every month. Marty is that rare professional:
truly expert in his subject, comfortable on live TV and in front of
audiences, and extremely funny. His wit and expertise make him a
frequently-quoted expert appearing in Newsweek, the New York Times, and
even Ann Landers. Marty’s accomplishments are also recognized abroad: he
has trained professionals in two dozen countries, including China,
Turkey, India, Israel, Morocco, Croatia, and Russia. He has been given
honorary membership in a variety of international professional
associations. As a clinician, Marty works each week with couples and
individuals who have a variety of sexual and non-sexual
difficulties–over 30,000 sessions since 1980. He also provides
consultations to other therapists, and supervises their cases. Marty
lives in Northern California with his wife, cactus garden, and enormous
collection of rock ‘n’ roll albums.
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